Personal Development, NLP, Coaching

Confidence Secret Agent 007!

2010-04-02T10:20:00.000-07:00

Are you ready to have some fun?

Are you ready to go beyond enemy lines in the duty for queen and country?

Ok, ok I know I’m getting carried away – how about completing another confidence building exercise instead?!

Success leaves clues wherever it goes…

Success leaves clues wherever it goes. In order to get the desired confidence levels that you are after it pays to be a copycat!

Another word for this is modelling.

By observing and modelling successful behaviour, i.e in this case people with high levels of confidence, you can pick up little golden nuggets of tips, techniques and the strategies that they use.

By observing how they walk, talk and act you too can take what they do, put it into your own life and get the same results.

Don’t believe me?

Try this exercise out over the next couple of days and see how you feel!

Your mission…

Over the next 3 days I want you to observe other people – pretend that you are undercover!

However, no newspapers with two eye-holes cut out are allowed!

I want you to observe all types of people - confident people, shy people, outgoing people, people talking, people being quiet, how people interact with each other.

Observe people who know one another, people who are strangers – the whole nine yards!

Look closely at what they say and do.

How are they moving their body?

What do they do with their head?

How do they speak?

How do others react to them?

Would you like to talk to this person?

Are they smiling and laughing?

Would you like to be this person?

Below, write down 5 behaviours and things that you have observed over the past 3 days that make you say :

“I want to be like that!”

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

For your next mission, should you choose to accept it…

For the next 2 days, I want you to take just 1 of the 5 behaviours that you have written out above and I want you to act that way for the duration of those 2 days.

Pretend that you have been given an assignment (because you have!) to just act like that for 2 days.

That’s it, no longer, no less.

Pretend it’s a game.

After the 2 days you will soon discover the magic of modelling behaviours.

Then you’ll move onto the next behaviour and the next and the…

Refocusing after setbacks

2010-04-02T10:16:00.000-07:00

How many times have you started a diet, a new way of thinking, or tried something new and then a setback occurs and you just go back to the way you were?
Don’t worry, you are not the only one!

Setbacks and difficulties occur all of the time – they are a natural activity of life.

There are two ways of facing difficulties.

You either change or alter the difficulty or you can alter yourself to be able to deal with it.

Deal with difficulties correctly and it will enhance your confidence, deal with them incorrectly and they can do some serious damage to your self worth.

Your response to issues and difficulties

When you are faced with any setback your ability to deal with it can be turned around into a position of strength by asking yourself positive empowering questions.

There is an unwritten rule that says:

Ask your mind a stupid question and you will get a stupid answer!

So, if after setback you ask yourself something like

“Why does this always happen to me, I never have any luck?”

Your mind will probably come out with:

“Because you are useless and good things do not happen to you!”

Sound familiar?

Instead, if you ask yourself a positive empowering question like:

“What did I learn from this setback for next time?”

Your mind will kick into solution mode and help.

Here are some rules and things to think about when setbacks do occur:

Acknowledge that it has happened. Don’t hide from it. These things happen. So what?

What positive empowering questions can you ask yourself?
What is good about this situation?
How can I make the most of this situation?
What can I learn from it?
What are the facts about this problem?
How can we make it a successful outcome?

Acknowledge that setbacks occur to everyone and you are not being singled out.

View them as a challenge to overcome rather than an issue or problem

Think about the negative dis-empowering thoughts that you think on a regular basis after a setback.

What new empowering questions could you ask yourself to give some better answers!

Write these down now and make them a habit.

How to Break Bad Habits

2010-04-02T10:03:00.000-07:00

What are your bad habits?

Smoking? Talking too much? Drinking? Untidiness?We’ve all got them.

Within this article are 5 simple reasons for breaking a bad habit.

If it ain’t broke, break it, and if it won’t break, then bend it

Bad habits.

Whether it’s a perpetual pile of clothes in the corner you’re waiting to someday turn into gold, a self-proclaimed disability which renders you unable to refrain from interrupting, or, a knack for timing your exit just so, so that someone else is continually left to pick up the dishes, now’s the time to extinguish these habits before they turn into next year’s resolutions.

Why?

It’s not fair to others

One of the great universal laws ruling our wonderful planet says that you get back what you put out there.

Want others to be kind and considerate to you?

Then start putting the considerate, kind vibes out there and pick up your clothes, your dishes, and stop interrupting or whatever it is you or a collective “others” define as a bad habit.

It’s not fair to you

I’m sure you’re a nice person, and you pride yourself on having generous, warmhearted traits.

So, it’s not fair to you either that this simple, little, annoying thing you do can wield the power that it now, or will soon have.

These tiny culprits have been known to ruin marriages, friendships, and cause the downfall of many a mighty person.

Plus you’ll feel better about yourself.

Your success depends on it

Bad habits have a funny way of scope and context creep.

First they only happen in certain situations, and the next thing you know, you’re at a business function swirling your fingers through the chip dip.

Put an end to it now before situations that require your utmost polish become tarnished by these terribly annoying little critters.

You probably don’t like it when others do the same thing

Think about it. If someone did the same thing to you, would it bother you?

Be honest.

Sometimes all it takes is a simple exercise in empathy to find the motivation to quit whatever it is we could benefit from stopping.

List your own reasons

But be sincere.

What is it costing you to perpetuate these habits?

Whether it’s a moment of peace, seemingly perpetual nagging, or simple anxiety resulting from anticipation of the next blow-up or negative comment, you owe it to yourself to commit to your ongoing personal development, and to the elimination of any behavior whose costs far outweigh the benefits.

So how does one begin?

Just like breaking a smoking habit, bad habits have a way of creeping up on us and slowly over time becoming somewhat akin to an appendage—i.e. they’re hard to get rid of.

Here are some tips for breaking these bad habits:

Start small:

While it might not be reasonable to expect that you can just stop whatever you’re doing overnight, identify what might constitute as a small step in the right direction?

Write down what that step is and carry it out over the next 21 days.

Fore example, if you are smoking 40 a day, cut that down to 20 for the next 21 days.

Make that behaviour a habit before you cut that down to 15 for the next 21 days and then 10 and so on.

Commit:

Promise yourself you’ll make this shift, and if reinforcement and punishment works—use it!

Figure out how you might reward yourself for making the change. Or, figure our how you might penalize yourself if you don’t.

For example, in our smoking example. Put the money you would have spent on the cigarettes in a jar and at the end of the 21 days add it all up and buy yourself a treat for example.

From cutting down to 20 smokes a day from 40 smokes a day, over a 21-day period at £4 a packet that will save you £80 in just 3 weeks!

Also, write two lists, one, of the reasons why you are doing this and also a list of the things that you will miss out on if you keep on doing your bad habit.

Identify alternatives:

What are some alternatives to the behavior you are demonstrating?

Is there a quick fix or solution that might help provide an alternative—e.g. put a laundry basket by the bedside (one to match with the décor) so that you don’t end up with a pile on the floor.

Get help:

Ask someone to help keep you accountable.

If they’ve been victims of this bad habit, they’ll most likely be thrilled you asked!

Ask for feedback:

Because human nature dictates that we will only complain when you offend, rather than amend, ask for feedback frequently.

Don’t assume, no news is good news, but be sure to get praise when praise is due.

Good luck!